May 18, 2009

Pitiful Pouting

Every once in a while, we need to confess. I think sometimes if I tell someone something, it kind of gives me a kick in the pants to do something about it.

We're not loading till tomorrow morning, and so we swung into this place here in Vancouver, WA to get a new tarp put on the trailer. Another $700, but we needed one badly.

So here I sit, far from anything, on a road too busy with traffic for a walk...and I'm sulking.

I confess to you that even though I got to go to Starbucks this morning and have a white mocha, even though Malcolm's in a great mood, even more so than usual, even though I got two new followers today (and welcome and thank you and please don't stop following me because of my depressing post)....even though its a good day with good weather and things are looking up...I'm sulking.

Sulking because today I don't want to be here. Today I want to be sitting on my screened in porch, the one I don't have, sipping sweet tea on a break between milking my dairy goats that I don't have and working with my horses that I don't have, and watching my chickens that I don't have. I want to be planning the really yummy dinner of recipes I just browsed through in a magazine that I'm going to cook with the produce of my garden...that I don't have, and I want to be....I want to be doing a lot of things that are at least two years down the road.

On a normal day I'm feeling like "two years is nothing, and think how nice it will be then."
But today....today I'm in a pouting, sulky, poor pitiful me mood. I hate it when I do this. I've pouted all morning, till Malcolm finally asked what was wrong. And I lied and told him nothing. And now that I confessed all this to you, I'm going to go and try to find something to take my mind off my "I don't have/can't do it" list and find my reasons to be happy where I'm at.

Thanks for listening. In a world of trucks, truck drivers, and only my husband, dogs, and strangers to talk to in person, sometimes its hard when I need a girl-friend and they are hundreds of miles away. But I know each of them would have taken me out today for some girl time, exploring unique little shops. We'd have had a light lunch at some little adorable cafe somewhere, laughed, shared, and indulged in dessert, or maybe just sat on their porch sipping sweet tea. And the first week in July when we go home to Tennessee to visit my family, that's exactly what I'm going to do.


Jennifer said...

I know exactly what you're going through. My husband and I spent many years on the road with our job and I had those pouting days, too. Hang in there, July will be here soon!

Meagan said...

Everyone gets a pitty party now and then! I SO BADLY want those things for you too!!! Praying it will happen sooner than you think! :-)